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A Trip to Llano Grande

Conversion Ceremony

I hereby declare, on oath, that I absolutely and entirely renounce and abjure all allegiance and fidelity to any foreign football team, university, barbecue sauce, jalapenos peppers, boot-maker or pickup truck of whom or which I have heretofore been a fan or a consumer; that I will support and defend the Texas way of life, and the customs of its citizens against all anti-Texans, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; that I will perform acts of chili-preparation greatness; and that I will take this obligation freely without any reservation, because great barbecue joints don’t require them; so help me y’all.

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